Two Month Update

Today marks two months from Gotcha Day!  It seems like a lifetime and a day all at the same time.

Maia Faith has spent the last two months learning what it means to have a family.  Family is such a foreign concept to a child raised in an institution.

These kids don't ever leave me alone!

I must say, though, that despite the challenges these adjustments bring, she is doing fantastic.

She's now had two months of nourishing food.  Two months of laughter and eye contact.  Two months of touch.  It's amazing what a little love, a lot of hard work, and a faithful God can do in just two months.

For beginning stats, click HERE.  1 month stats can be found HERE.  Be on the lookout for an update on the rest of us soon as well.  :)

Size: 32 lbs, 3'3" tall.

Wears: 4t (pulling the waist in tight still)

Mobility: crawling, pulling up to her knees.  Will stand with support and come to a standing position on her own.  Will also take steps holding onto our hands.  

Eating: Mashed veggies, chopped chicken and ground beef, rice, yogurt, applesauce, etc.  She will also eat table food that has been finely chopped.  Her favorite food by FAR is yogurt.  We also have her on a toddler formula designed to help children gain weight.  We have discovered that she does not tolerate soy products or cow's milk very well so we are avoiding those.  We have added in a little bit of gluten and she seems to be okay with that, but we are keeping it minimal while her gut continues to heal from 8 years of malnutrition.  

Institutional behaviors: rocking, thumb sucking, repetitive movements, moaning, hands in front of her face, holding things to her ear, chewing on her tongue.  The head banging is almost completely gone now, praise God!  

New things she's learned:  How to come to standing holding onto something by herself.  How to sign "all done".  How to say/sign "again".  To sit indian style instead of "w" style.  That things are WAY more fun when you're not laying down!!  She's also learned to say "dada" and understands who "mommy" and "daddy" are.  She has learned to mash food with her tongue and to make new sounds (popping her lips, blowing raspberries, "lalalala", and "nnnnn").

Maia appears to be progressing developmentally as well.   When she first came home she would cry or whine/stim when going to sleep.  Now she lays in her crib and "chatters" to herself.  I almost missed this milestone, but it is HUGE.  Just as a baby moves from crying to chattering, Maia has done the same!  

She is also now fully involved in physical therapy, occupational therapy, and speech therapy.  We are working on tolerance of textures, building an arch in her hands, finger strength, core strength, and balance.  Also working on tracking, signing/speech, and feeding skills.

(She can do this without Craig's arm for support now - but we don't have a video of it yet.)

We have a long way to go, but we've come SO FAR already.  I'm super proud of her as she discovers who God intended her to be - a DAUGHTER who is LOVED.  As much as she is loved by us, she is so much more loved by her heavenly Father and I pray will all my heart that she will come to understand that with time.  

Maia (then Maria) at 19 pounds.  Estimated age 6. This was before the new director came to Pleven and started getting the kids help.

 

Maia (then Maria) June 2012, age 7.  After a hospital stay and some changes made by the new director.

 

Maia at pickup, age 8. 30 lbs.

Maia, 2 months home, age 8. 32 pounds.

Through the Hard

We have been adoptive parents for a month and a half now.  After hours of training... hours of reading... over a year of preparing ourselves for this journey... I must admit that I wasn't ready for this.  I thought I was ready.  But it turns out I wasn't.

I wasn't ready for the language barrier.  Or the total lack of communication and understanding.  I wasn't ready for the emotional toll it would take on me to parent a child with no concept of pain, no concept of right and wrong, no concept of how to relate to people.  I wasn't ready for the feeding battles, the behavior challenges, or the lost feeling when trying to bond with this little person who did not grow inside me. I find myself at times feeling like a complete failure as I have no idea how to cope with the needs thrown our way.  

We knew parenting an adopted child would be different.  Even hard.  But you throw special needs and severe mental delays into the picture and it's a whole new ball game.  

An exhausting, overwhelming, and fulfilling ball game.  

You see, through some dear adoptive friends that God has placed in my life for such a time as this, I am starting to figure this thing out.  While you are correct when you tell us that we saved Maia's life - you need to know that she has saved mine as well.  She (and our two young biological children) are saving me from a life of selfishness.  I must die to myself daily and live out my love for God through the care I give my children.  Every exploding diaper.  Every feeding challenge.  Every redirection again and again.  Every spilled bowl of cereal.  Every dirty dish.  It's all to His glory.  And it's all molding me into a woman more like Christ.  

So when I'm tired and frustrated and pulling my hair out, I must remember that this is my calling.  It's a daily battle, but it's one I'm more than ready to fight.  As my dear friend Joleigh so wisely shared: "God doesn't just give our kids the families they need -- He gives us the kids we need in order to become more of who He made us to be."

Now to address the few of you who I know are cringing that we would speak of these things: it seems that frequently adoption blogs paint a happy rosy picture of adoption.  A transition home that is flawless and smooth.  And maybe that's the case for them.  But through conversations with others I am of the impression that the transition home is HARD for both the child and the parents. And I feel that we as adoptive parents are doing others an injustice if we aren't transparent in the good AND the bad.  I don't want anybody considering adoption to jump in thinking it will be easy - that will serve no purpose except to make the transition home a horrific shock.  

So I'm baring my soul and sharing with you that this is hard.  Life is hard right now. Our home is busy and loud and crazy.  It's hard to admit things aren't perfect.  It would be much easier to gloss over everything and tell you we are doing fantastically.  But you know what?  When things are hard is when God gets the most glory.  WE aren't doing this; HE is.  HE is giving us the strength and understanding to adapt to this new season of life.  HE is growing Maia and doing amazing things in her life even now. HE is redeeming her.  And HE is changing my life.  Hard is not bad.  Hard gives God the chance to show off more than we ever thought He could. 

I believe that if Maia ever gets to the point where she reads this post, she will know that while things were hard and Mommy and Daddy were very lost at times, we still loved her through the tough times.  We loved her unconditionally and because of that love we fought through it.  JUST like God fights for us even when we are making mistakes.  And because we have seen Him fight for us, we will continue to fight for her.  We will do everything in HIS power to push through this.  To get her everything she needs to be all that God wants her to be.  Even through the hard.  

One Month Update

Happy one month from Gotcha Day, Maia Faith!

As promised, here are our updated stats.  She continues to blow us away!

Size: 30 lbs, 3'3" tall.

Wears: 3t/4t for length but 4T are big in the waist.

Mobility: crawling, pulling up to her knees.  Will stand with support and come to a standing position with support.  Will also take steps if we are fully supporting her.  (She has no balance right now)

Eating: baby food, oatmeal, yogurt, pediasure, milk.  She will drink from a spout sippy and a straw sippy!  Also eating "real" food that has been mashed or chopped up small.  She mashes food with her tongue and will try unsuccessfully to chew.  

Institutional behaviors: rocking, thumb sucking, some head banging, repetitive movements, moaning, hands in front of her face, holding things to her ear, laying on her side

New things she's learned:  How to come to standing with support.  How to drink from a sippy and a straw sippy.  How to sign "more".  To come to her knees in her crib and reach for us instead of waiting for us to reach in and get her.  To point to what foods/drink she wants.  How to play catch with her siblings.  She also sits up more now than she did before, but still prefers to lay down.  

She also lost her first tooth as a Moss!  (That makes four missing top teeth now, lol.)  What a blessing these three are!  

We Won't Be Shaken

Having a new child in the house has been interesting.  When that child has special needs things get even more interesting.  I compare the feeling to that of having a newborn in the house.  You have NO CLUE what you're doing.  You rely on instinct and hope that will be enough to not completely screw up your kid.  You find yourself crying for no reason at random times of the day.  Why?  There is no why.  There is no reason to cry other than just feeling completely weird.  Everything's new.  Everything's unknown.  And because there is no one RIGHT way to do this parenting thing, you're left to experiment and find a method that leads to some resemblance of sanity.

Yeah.  I think that comparison pretty much sums up the past month in our house.  This is hard, y'all. My fellow parents of children with special needs: can I get an "amen"?

We are staring into a void of unknowns.  There are tests, therapies, blood work, and more to cover all of our bases and get some idea of where things stand.  We have no idea how development works from here on out.  There's only so much damage a child can take before things slow down permanently.  It's all a guessing game.  Will she walk?  Probably.  Will she talk?  We hope so.  What will her mental capacity be?  We have no idea.  Will she live a normal life?  Not using the world's definition.  Will she ever live independently?  Not likely.

Maia and children like her daily remind us what REALLY matters in this world.  Things don't matter.  Money doesn't matter.  Perfection doesn't matter.  What matters is people.  Time.  Family. 

You see, God has made my calling clear.  It is to care for the three little people who spend most of their days trying to send me to the looney bin.  To show them daily that I love them regardless of whether they make it to the potty in time, keep their legos out from under my feet, or eat their dinner.  To teach them to love Jesus and people.  I will spend the next several years of my life preparing them to conquer the world.  To make a difference.  To live for Jesus.  But when they no longer need me to dress them and get them out the door in time, there will still be one.

One sweet daughter of God who will need a lifetime of care from her forever family.  One miracle who will give us the blessing and burden of practicing a lifetime of unconditional love.  Even if we are left with a lifetime of therapies and appointments.  If we are met with unexpected tests results that shake our core.  If we are left spending the rest of her life spoon feeding her and changing her diapers - bring it on.  What better opportunity to make up for lost time and prove just how much we love her?  What better opportunity to show her how much God loves her?  What better opportunity to show the world that THESE CHILDREN MATTER?  In light of that, the unknowns are nothing.

This world has nothing for me, this life is not my own.
I know You go before me and I am not alone.
This mountain rises higher, the way seems so unclear.
But I know that You go with me so I will never fear.
I will trust in You.

Whatever will come our way, through fire or pouring rain.
We won't be shaken.  No we won't be shaken.
Whatever tomorrow brings, together we'll rise and sing
That we won't be shaken.  No we won't be shaken.  

- Building 429.

A Maia Update

You all have been asking so here it is: an update on Maia.  :)

Maia has been home for almost three weeks now and life has resumed it's new normal here at the Moss home.  We had our first big checkup at the International Adoption Clinic today so we have some updated stats for you all in addition to some new milestones!

Right now Maia weighs 30 lbs 10 oz and is 3'2" tall.  Not much gain at all yet considering how much better her diet is.  This actually could be because it appears she may have some sort of thyroid issue.  They ran blood work to check, but her thyroid was a bit enlarged according to the pediatrician.  We should know more in a few days.  Her spine is also curved so we will be seeing an orthopedic at some point in addition to a hematologist for her anemia.

 

Maia's official diagnoses after the visit today are: global developmental delay, microcephaly (this was new to us), and diffuse hypotonia.

As far as her milestones go, Maia Faith will now support all of her weight on her legs for up to a few minutes at a time (with us helping her stay balanced).  She even takes steps with us supporting her!  She drinks from a sippy cup and is starting to eat more chunky foods.  She seems to be connecting with Craig and I even more and turns to us instead of other people for the most part.  We have been so blessed to see this little girl blossom right before our eyes.  We are also very blessed that nothing life threatening was found today!!  Praise God for His protection over our girl.

We will begin OT, PT, and ST soon.  Can't wait to see how she changes with therapy!

Two Weeks!

We picked this beautiful girl up two weeks ago today!

She has slid into our family pretty seamlessly.  We certainly didn't expect everyone to get along so well.

She is SO HAPPY.  ALL the time!  

She loves to clap my hands and wrestle on the floor with N and A.

She's getting used to baths and does much better going to sleep now.

The perfect picture of redemption and what the love of a family can do!!

Now for her stats: (click here for the starting stats)

Size: 30lbs 2oz.  (Gained a whopping 2 oz so far, lol)

Wears: 3t/4t still

Mobility: crawling, pulling up to her knees, will put weight on her legs when we hold her up and will take "steps"

Eating: Same.  We've added some high protein high calorie foods in there as well.  Everything must be mushy or she will spit it out immediately.

Institutional behaviors: The teeth grinding is pretty much gone now along with the head banging.  She still rocks a LOT and sucks her thumb.  She also "zones out" frequently.  

New things she's learned:  How to "walk" with support, how to sign "more", how to mimic faces. She can play catch with a large beach ball and can put blocks into a box. She understands "eat", "mama", "dada", "more", "no", and "gentle".  

Behind the Scenes

I've been giving you all lots of details over the last week, but all you've gotten are the details.  I haven't yet shared many of the emotions, trials, and changes one week has brought us.

We have had Maia with us for exactly one week now and while everything has gone amazingly well so far, I'm still tired.  Not physically tired - emotionally tired.  This whole special needs parenting thing takes some getting used to.

Maia rises early - around 5:30/6 every morning.  I'm not one to just leave her awake and bored in her bed (she had more than enough of that over the past 8 years), so I get up when I hear her moving around.  We head downstairs together and I change her as the Keurig hums away (in BG I had to settle for a cup of juice).  I make her a bottle which she promptly hurls across the room.  (Somewhere along the long trek home she suddenly decided she abhors them.)  we sit in the quiet downstairs and rock together as I try to maintain my zero-based inbox.  It's a lost cause, by the way.

I grab Maia's bottle (which we are encouraged to keep offering her in case she'll take it again) and dump the pediasure/formula mixture into a bowl.  I thicken the liquid with rice cereal and mix in some mashed fruit.  It's a balancing act - getting a balance of nutrients and hydration into her when she will only eat food that is baby food consistency.  We all sit down at the table together for breakfast and Maia plays her game of alternating refusing and asking for her food.  

After breakfast I clean up and we play.  In between play I try to get some housework done.  (This was much easier in our little apartment in BG! lol). Housework is now limited to whatever room we happen to be in at the time since we can't leave Maia unattended with Nathan and Alex yet.  She is learning, but still hasn't mastered "playing kind" yet, so we have to keep a close eye on her when she's with the kids.  This adds a whole new dynamic to everything because Nathan and Alex want nothing more than to be right in her face playing with her and talking to her.  

We repeat the eating/playing/cleaning routine throughout the day with a rest time in the afternoon for everyone and individualized attention for each child in spurts throughout the day.  We work on simple things with Maia such as standing, peek a boo, and movement activities.  Nathan and Alex get to pick what they want to do with us - so far it's been puzzles and Hungry Hungry Hippos.  

Between figuring out Maia's nutrition, watching her interactions with Nathan and Alex, and making sure  everyone is getting plenty of attention during this transition phase, it's no wonder my brain is tired at the end of the day.  There's a lot going on in my head right now. :). By the time things stop moving I'm ready for bed!  I haven't even thought to open Pinterest up at all in the last week.  No games have been played on the iPad and no crafting has been so much as considered.  Life is quickly changing for this Momma.  I thankful for that - but I'm not sure I was quite ready for all of the changes to happen at once!  

Thankfully we have no major health issues that we are concerned with Maia about other than her nutrition. 

 Thankfully Nathan and Alex love their new sister and are great helpers. 

 Thankfully Maia is adjusting well and attaching to us with no hindrances. 

 Thankfully we have people bringing us food so I don't have to spend all evening in the kitchen.  

Lots to be thankful for in addition to the tiredness but I'll be glad when we have all settled in and have a routine that comes naturally again.  :)  I'll also feel much better after we've met with MUSC to get some answers on Maia's care.  

So there you have it.  Things are good.  Hard, but good.  Different, but good.  Can't wait to see how our family changes over the next few weeks.  We're just getting started on this crazy journey!