One Month Update

Happy one month from Gotcha Day, Maia Faith!

As promised, here are our updated stats.  She continues to blow us away!

Size: 30 lbs, 3'3" tall.

Wears: 3t/4t for length but 4T are big in the waist.

Mobility: crawling, pulling up to her knees.  Will stand with support and come to a standing position with support.  Will also take steps if we are fully supporting her.  (She has no balance right now)

Eating: baby food, oatmeal, yogurt, pediasure, milk.  She will drink from a spout sippy and a straw sippy!  Also eating "real" food that has been mashed or chopped up small.  She mashes food with her tongue and will try unsuccessfully to chew.  

Institutional behaviors: rocking, thumb sucking, some head banging, repetitive movements, moaning, hands in front of her face, holding things to her ear, laying on her side

New things she's learned:  How to come to standing with support.  How to drink from a sippy and a straw sippy.  How to sign "more".  To come to her knees in her crib and reach for us instead of waiting for us to reach in and get her.  To point to what foods/drink she wants.  How to play catch with her siblings.  She also sits up more now than she did before, but still prefers to lay down.  

She also lost her first tooth as a Moss!  (That makes four missing top teeth now, lol.)  What a blessing these three are!  

We Won't Be Shaken

Having a new child in the house has been interesting.  When that child has special needs things get even more interesting.  I compare the feeling to that of having a newborn in the house.  You have NO CLUE what you're doing.  You rely on instinct and hope that will be enough to not completely screw up your kid.  You find yourself crying for no reason at random times of the day.  Why?  There is no why.  There is no reason to cry other than just feeling completely weird.  Everything's new.  Everything's unknown.  And because there is no one RIGHT way to do this parenting thing, you're left to experiment and find a method that leads to some resemblance of sanity.

Yeah.  I think that comparison pretty much sums up the past month in our house.  This is hard, y'all. My fellow parents of children with special needs: can I get an "amen"?

We are staring into a void of unknowns.  There are tests, therapies, blood work, and more to cover all of our bases and get some idea of where things stand.  We have no idea how development works from here on out.  There's only so much damage a child can take before things slow down permanently.  It's all a guessing game.  Will she walk?  Probably.  Will she talk?  We hope so.  What will her mental capacity be?  We have no idea.  Will she live a normal life?  Not using the world's definition.  Will she ever live independently?  Not likely.

Maia and children like her daily remind us what REALLY matters in this world.  Things don't matter.  Money doesn't matter.  Perfection doesn't matter.  What matters is people.  Time.  Family. 

You see, God has made my calling clear.  It is to care for the three little people who spend most of their days trying to send me to the looney bin.  To show them daily that I love them regardless of whether they make it to the potty in time, keep their legos out from under my feet, or eat their dinner.  To teach them to love Jesus and people.  I will spend the next several years of my life preparing them to conquer the world.  To make a difference.  To live for Jesus.  But when they no longer need me to dress them and get them out the door in time, there will still be one.

One sweet daughter of God who will need a lifetime of care from her forever family.  One miracle who will give us the blessing and burden of practicing a lifetime of unconditional love.  Even if we are left with a lifetime of therapies and appointments.  If we are met with unexpected tests results that shake our core.  If we are left spending the rest of her life spoon feeding her and changing her diapers - bring it on.  What better opportunity to make up for lost time and prove just how much we love her?  What better opportunity to show her how much God loves her?  What better opportunity to show the world that THESE CHILDREN MATTER?  In light of that, the unknowns are nothing.

This world has nothing for me, this life is not my own.
I know You go before me and I am not alone.
This mountain rises higher, the way seems so unclear.
But I know that You go with me so I will never fear.
I will trust in You.

Whatever will come our way, through fire or pouring rain.
We won't be shaken.  No we won't be shaken.
Whatever tomorrow brings, together we'll rise and sing
That we won't be shaken.  No we won't be shaken.  

- Building 429.

Behind the Scenes

I've been giving you all lots of details over the last week, but all you've gotten are the details.  I haven't yet shared many of the emotions, trials, and changes one week has brought us.

We have had Maia with us for exactly one week now and while everything has gone amazingly well so far, I'm still tired.  Not physically tired - emotionally tired.  This whole special needs parenting thing takes some getting used to.

Maia rises early - around 5:30/6 every morning.  I'm not one to just leave her awake and bored in her bed (she had more than enough of that over the past 8 years), so I get up when I hear her moving around.  We head downstairs together and I change her as the Keurig hums away (in BG I had to settle for a cup of juice).  I make her a bottle which she promptly hurls across the room.  (Somewhere along the long trek home she suddenly decided she abhors them.)  we sit in the quiet downstairs and rock together as I try to maintain my zero-based inbox.  It's a lost cause, by the way.

I grab Maia's bottle (which we are encouraged to keep offering her in case she'll take it again) and dump the pediasure/formula mixture into a bowl.  I thicken the liquid with rice cereal and mix in some mashed fruit.  It's a balancing act - getting a balance of nutrients and hydration into her when she will only eat food that is baby food consistency.  We all sit down at the table together for breakfast and Maia plays her game of alternating refusing and asking for her food.  

After breakfast I clean up and we play.  In between play I try to get some housework done.  (This was much easier in our little apartment in BG! lol). Housework is now limited to whatever room we happen to be in at the time since we can't leave Maia unattended with Nathan and Alex yet.  She is learning, but still hasn't mastered "playing kind" yet, so we have to keep a close eye on her when she's with the kids.  This adds a whole new dynamic to everything because Nathan and Alex want nothing more than to be right in her face playing with her and talking to her.  

We repeat the eating/playing/cleaning routine throughout the day with a rest time in the afternoon for everyone and individualized attention for each child in spurts throughout the day.  We work on simple things with Maia such as standing, peek a boo, and movement activities.  Nathan and Alex get to pick what they want to do with us - so far it's been puzzles and Hungry Hungry Hippos.  

Between figuring out Maia's nutrition, watching her interactions with Nathan and Alex, and making sure  everyone is getting plenty of attention during this transition phase, it's no wonder my brain is tired at the end of the day.  There's a lot going on in my head right now. :). By the time things stop moving I'm ready for bed!  I haven't even thought to open Pinterest up at all in the last week.  No games have been played on the iPad and no crafting has been so much as considered.  Life is quickly changing for this Momma.  I thankful for that - but I'm not sure I was quite ready for all of the changes to happen at once!  

Thankfully we have no major health issues that we are concerned with Maia about other than her nutrition. 

 Thankfully Nathan and Alex love their new sister and are great helpers. 

 Thankfully Maia is adjusting well and attaching to us with no hindrances. 

 Thankfully we have people bringing us food so I don't have to spend all evening in the kitchen.  

Lots to be thankful for in addition to the tiredness but I'll be glad when we have all settled in and have a routine that comes naturally again.  :)  I'll also feel much better after we've met with MUSC to get some answers on Maia's care.  

So there you have it.  Things are good.  Hard, but good.  Different, but good.  Can't wait to see how our family changes over the next few weeks.  We're just getting started on this crazy journey!

HOME!

After a VERY long flight and lots of drama I will cover in another post, we finally made it HOME.

Maia is doing GREAT!  Other than a few issues with eating, you would have never guessed she just came home two days ago.  She's so laid back and really goes with the flow.  (Part of this is institutional, so we are working with her on getting involved and communicating with us in little spurts.)  She has figured out how to tell us when she wants more food and she will crawl up to us and put up her hands when she needs some extra attention.  

She has taken especially well to Nathan, and he to her.  Something tells me they will be best buds.  Alex is a little momma and tries to do everything for Maia.  She will bring her the bottle, share toys with her, and talk to her in a sweet little momma voice.  Maia, however, wants nothing to do with her yet, lol.  

In an effort to not throw the balance of the family off too much, we have been spending a lot of individualized time with our bios.  They are LOVING all of the extra attention.  This is easy to do now because Maia needs lots of time to herself to watch things from a distance.  When she starts getting involved more I'm sure we will have to find a balance.  Right now I spend about 5 minutes one-on-one with her every hour and that's as much as she can handle.  The rest of the time she's playing with the kids or watching them from across the room.  This gives me time to get some housework done and pull Nathan and Alex aside for extra loving.  

It almost feels like she's been here all along.  She really does fit right in.  

Nathan takes his job of "big" brother very seriously with Maia.  We were a little concerned that he would have trouble adjusting to her, but that hasn't been the case at all.  He is caring, gentle, and very understanding with her.  He has lots of questions about the noises and motions she makes, but they are just curiosity.  And I answer them at least 10 times a day.  lol.

We explained to Nathan on the first day home that Maia doesn't know how to be gentle yet.  Without knowing it, she will kick, hit, and scratch us if we aren't keeping a careful eye on her.  This is all institutional and has already greatly decreased.  We told Nathan that we have to teach Maia how to have "gentle hands" and "gentle feet" because she didn't learn how in the orphanage.  He will intentionally get close to Maia and when she reaches for him he will show her how to be gentle.  I'm so blow away by how understanding he is with her.

Alex wants to be involved so badly and (as always) will do everything Nathan does.  Even with her interactions with Maia.  She loves to make Maia laugh and get RIGHT in her face and talk to her, lol.

I know we are still in the honeymoon phase with this whole thing, but we are so blessed with how well all three kids are handling this transition.  God is definitely watching over us.  We are, however, getting a little stir crazy already.  Even Maia does better after a quick walk around the block to get out of the house.

Pick Up Trip: Day 5

Let me start off by saying today was our best day with Maia yet!  We are starting to get accustomed to each other and are slowly figuring things out.  We knew this trip wasn't going to be easy (and it's actually been easier than we thought) but its still been a hard week for all of us.

Not having any knowledge of how to specifically care for Maia has been hard. She can't tell me what she needs (she probably doesn't even know what she needs after so much neglect) and I don't know what she needs specifically.  We are guessing on how much to feed her.  Guessing on what to feed her.  Guessing as to when she needs quiet time in the crib and when she needs to practice interacting with us.  Guessing on what to work on and what to let go.  And if you know me at all, you now I don't like to guess.  But there's nothing concrete or exact when you start figuring out what makes your adopted special needs child tick, so guessing it is.  It's exhausting.  

Then you factor in being in a country with a different language, different customs, and different food and you have a whole new set of adjustments.  :). We've been keeping KFC and Subway in business since they speak a little bit of English and we know what their food is.  We also found a little mini-Walmart type store that we bought sandwich stuff at for lunches.  Nutella and jelly it is!  (Couldn't find the peanut butter, lol) 

Anyway.  After sucking it up and coming to terms with all of this last night, today as been fabulous.  I have no expectations other than surviving the week and making it home Saturday.  What a difference that makes!

(Gentle hands, Maia)

We had another lazy morning today before our appointment at the embassy this afternoon.  That was a bit intimidating until we got to the counter and realized everything was over with no pain or stress. :)  Maia did SO WELL at the embassy.  They are short staffed right now, so we ended up waiting almost an hour for our appointment.  She sat quietly and let me rock her most of the time.  :love:

Maia is still eating well, but isn't drinking much.  She is, however, still hydrated so we are not too concerned by this just yet.  I was able to give her a little sponge bath today.  She was uneasy, but was ok until it was time for soap.  Then she got a bit freaked out so we cut things short.  

She is also figuring out how to let us know if she wants more food.  If we have a bowl and spoon near us she will grab our hand and move it toward the spoon.  Then she will move the spoon (that's in our hand), to the bowl.  She will reach for her bottle when she wants milk as well.  She's making fast progress.  

One of her favorite games is to play with her stroller.  She pushes it around the apartment and rocks it back and forth.  Her other favorite game is to laugh at herself in the elevator.  SO CUTE!  Enjoy.  :)

Tomorrow we have one last meeting with our facilitator in which we will get all of the official paperwork.  And we leave Saturday morning to bring her HOME!!!

Little People

There are currently two little people running around our home.  This time three weeks from now, there will be three.  Three little people.  Three heads to wash.  Three faces to wipe.  6 shoes to put on.  A bazillion outfits to throw in the laundry.  Sometimes I wonder how I will do it.  Two is hard enough.  But three?  God, help us!

You see, our kids are not spread apart much at all.  When we dove into parenting, we ended up getting it all out of the way at once.  :)  Our bio kids are 18 months apart.  Maia is older, but will developmentally be younger.  So we will essentially have three kids ages 4 and under.  Three kids who still need LOTS of help.  Three kids who need grace, discipleship, and Jesus.  Three kids who will know exactly how to push ALL of Momma's buttons until she explodes like an atomic bomb.

Parenting is hard.  It would be so easy to hire a nanny to train up our children.  I'd be much less tired and frustrated that way.

You see, I tend to forget that our children actually require TRAINING.  They don't join our family knowing how to eat tidily, put their bodily functions in the potty instead of the floor, and get along with each other.  They don't know how to say "yes ma'am" and "no sir" and "thank you".  They don't come out knowing that we say grace before meals and go to bed without 50 trips to the potty first.

They also don't come with instructions manuals.  Each one is different and each one is requiring different methods of training.  And as much as I forget it, this ISN'T when the problem comes.  THEY are not the problem.

I am.

The problem is when Mommy forgets to train.  Or Mommy forgets to train according to their personalities.  Usually though, Mommy just forgets to train.  I expect them to read my mind and know exactly how I want them to behave just by giving them "the look".  Reality check, Amy.  They are clueless to "the look".  It doesn't work that way.  I actually have to WORK at this parenting thing.

Instead of complaining that the toys are on the living floor for the SIXTH time this morning, I need to remind myself to be thankful that the toys are ON the floor to begin with.  Those toys give me the opportunity to teach my children about responsibility.  Those toys give me the opportunity to practice grace as I show my kids (for at least the 60th time) how to clean up after themselves.  They also give me a reality check when I blow up.  Because really.  Are toys on the floor a tragedy?  Nope.  They are NOT a reason for this Momma to lose her marbles and blow a gasket.  And when they do, I know I need to get it together and remember that my littles are watching.  They are learning from me.  I am training them.  Grace.  My kids need it.  But I need it so much more.

They will only be little for so long.  I don't have an endless amount of hours to train them.  The time has come for me to suck it up, stop stressing over the chaotic house, the messy playroom, and dirty fingers, and train them while I can.  Enjoy them while I can.  And remind myself to practice grace every waking moment of the day.  They give me great practice.  And I couldn't love them more for making me a better person.

How YOU Can Help Us Post-Adoption

As you all know, we will be bringing Maia home very soon (next month!!) and we are hastily preparing everything for her arrival.  Part of that preparation is preparing YOU for her arrival.  We know you all are very excited for us (and her).  You've been praying as long and as hard as we have.  Many of you have expressed how excited you are to meet her and love on her.  We are so thankful for your love, prayers, support, and encouragement.

However, we aren't bringing home a biological child we just delivered at the Birth Center like the last two times.  We are bringing home an adopted child.  One with pretty major needs.  Things will look different with Maia's homecoming.  Different from the homecoming of an infant.  Different from the homecoming of an older child who understands.  Different from the picture you probably had in your head.  

This post is mainly written for those of you who have contact with us to some extent.  Especially our family, close friends, church family, and neighbors.   If you fit this category (or fit this category for another adopting family), please carefully read and consider this post.

I want to start off by explaining the importance of attachment.  I know.  Some of you read "attachment" and thought "oh great, they're THOSE parents."  Well, we are.  But this is totally different.  Attachment with an adopted child isn't your typical "attachment parenting" that you read about with co-sleeping, extended breastfeeding, hippy parents.  (By the way, I'm allowed to speak like that - I did all those things.)  :)  Maia's success in life and in our family DEPENDS on how well she attaches to us.   Unlike an infant, she never learned how to trust anyone.  Her needs have gone unmet for 8 years now.  We have a lot of ground to make up.  We have no other option but to attachment parent.  It's a MUST for adoption families.  And it will take time.  A lot of time.  And we need you to give us that time.

So how can you help us form a good attachment with our daughter?

First, you can NOT do certain things.

- Please don't meet any of her needs.  Don't feed her, hold her if she cries, give her toys directly, etc.  Those needs must be met by US for at least the first several months.
- Please don't make eye contact with her, touch her, gush over her, or bombard her until we give you permission.  :) If you see her at church, try not to make a big deal about it. Don't crowd her trying to meet her.  We know it will be hard.  And our hearts break that you won't be able to love on her for a while.  But that's how it has to be.  
- Please don't compare her to anyone.  Don't talk bad about her to others or to our kids.  Don't focus on her idiosyncrasies.  She makes weird noises.  She drools.  She bangs her head and shakes her finger.  And that's all TOTALLY NORMAL for an institutionalized child.  Don't make a big deal about it.  Our kids will know she's different, but we don't need them thinking that's a bad thing.  Your kids don't need to think it's a bad thing either.  Let Maia be your chance to teach your kids about children with special needs.
- Don't overstep our boundaries.  If you're not sure if something's okay, ask us.  We know you are trying.  We're figuring it all out too.  So just ask.  We promise we'll be honest with you in a loving way.

Now that we got all of that out of the way - how CAN you help?

I'm glad you asked!  There's a lot you can do for us if you want to help us in this journey.

- Bring us meals.  Offer to clean the house.  Do the dishes.  Fold some laundry.  Vacuum.  Because I'm obsessed with my floors and that will totally make my day better.
- Play with our biological kids.  Take them to the park.  Bring them a slushie.  Help us out with them while we focus on Maia.  What 4 year old wants to accompany his parents and sister to her first therapy session?  I guarantee our 4 year old won't.
- Stand up for us.  We know people will talk.  Nobody's perfect and special needs adoption is still very new to a lot of people.  We understand that and are grateful for the opportunity to normalize this a bit.  If you overhear someone criticizing us for our parenting, our "disappearance", our crazy emotions, or anything else, please stand up for us.  We're all advocates for orphans right now.  You are part of this!  And you can help advocate just as we can.  We just adopted.  And it turns things upside down for a bit.  And that's totally okay!
- Encourage us.  PLEASE!  Send us texts.  Facebook messages.  Emails.  Don't be offended if we don't respond.  Just know that we are reading them and you're probably making me cry.  (In a good way.)
- Respect our privacy.  We will hole up in the house for 4-6 weeks.  You may not see us in person for that amount of time or longer.  Please don't stop in unexpectedly for a visit.  Please don't be offended if we don't invite you over.  This time will be precious to us and to Maia.  We must be careful.
- If you DO come over (because we invited you), please don't interact with Maia.  If you're unsure about what's okay and not okay, ask us.  We'll tell you.
- Recognize that this journey will be hard for us.  Sleepless nights, language barriers, doctor visits, feeding struggles, and who knows what else.  It will be hard.  It might be hard for several months.  Your support and encouragement will help us tremendously, so please don't disappear on us completely!

So there you have it.  Thank you so much for being willing to support us even though it will be hard on you!  We will try our very best not to step on your emotions too much or to take advantage of anyone.

**Seeing as we haven't ever brought home an adopted child, this information was compiled from friends and internet sources.  If you want to read more, check out the links below:

http://lifelinechild.org/loving-from-a-distance-webinar-2/
http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2011/11/02/how-to-be-the-village#.TrG5yC5r1Pl.facebook

Advent

It's no surprise to the people who know me that Christmas is my favorite time of year. I love the lights, the tree, wreaths, nativities, cookies, candies, parties, and...well...I pretty much love all of it. I love the Christmas season so much that we set up the tree before Thanksgiving this year.  :)  I sit by it every night and crochet the evening away.

Our 2012 Christmas Tree

I am especially loving this year as I watch Nathan's excitement over the season. I watch him as he remembers traditions from last year and makes the connection that we are continuing this memories. I love watching Alex's face as she experiences Christmas as a toddler who is walking around and understanding things. I love watching them anticipate the season together.  Watching them laugh and sing and dance around.  Watching them listen to the Christmas story and make connections about Jesus.  Watching them take in the Christmas lights on our walk.  I love it all.

Sorting ornaments for "their" tree.

But along with the excitement and joy I feel watching them experience Christmas comes a great feeling of responsibility. Craig and I are directly responsible for how our kids view Christmas. We are directly responsible for whether they come out of childhood thinking Christmas is all about them or if they come out of childhood knowing Christmas is all about HIM.

The nativity I received from my in-laws.  My constant reminder of WHO the season is really about it.  

How do you find the balance? The balance of receiving gifts and giving gifts. The balance of fun and excitement and reverence for what this day means to us. The balance of the material side of Christmas and the spiritual side of Christmas. The balance of going and doing and just sitting and abiding. It's a big job we have as parents. How to "do Christmas".  Sometimes it overwhelms me.

Daddy and Alex, decorating the kids' tree.

For our family in this season, we're making Christmas about giving. Giving to Jesus through giving to others. We're also doing everything we can to point our kids to Jesus this season. For us this means minimizing Santa.  We're also not doing the Elf on the Shelf. (Pretty sure I'd stress out trying to keep up with that guy!). We're not doing a tree full of gifts or an advent activity full of chocolate and presents. While they are young we want to instill a spirit of giving in their hearts in a world that tells us we need to "get".

All dressed up and ready to deliver some cookies.  

So what are we doing? Well, this year we are doing an advent activity called Truth in the Tinsel. Every day the kids make an ornament that represents part of the Christmas story. (If you don't have an advent activity and are looking for one - I highly recommend this one.  WELL worth the 8 bucks.)  We are also doing random acts of kindness throughout December. (Check out this site for lots of ideas!) We've already taken the kids to carol and deliver cookies twice (practicing on our parents to see if the kids would really sing). By the way, they did.  And loved it! We are doing gifts, but are not going overboard with them like we have in the past.

Their first advent craft of 2012.

Does this mean we're cutting down on the excitement? I don't think so. Changing the focus of the excitement? Sure. But diminishing it? No. They are enjoying their crafts and look forward to moving the trinket on the advent calendar. They love delivering cookies and making other people smile. Nathan keeps telling me he likes to "help people". They love counting down to Jesus's birthday so they can celebrate it.

Jesus came to give light to a dark world.  Their candle ornaments are reminders of that.  

And that's what is working for us this year.

What does your family do to celebrate Christmas?

Our Adoption Story (Video Style)

Craig and I were given the incredible honor of being able to directly participate in Orphan Sunday yesterday at our church.  Our family as well as some close friends of ours had the opportunity to share our adoption story and raise awareness of orphans and the role adoption plays in orphan care.  Check it out below.

Disclaimer: I've been told tissues come in handy.


Adoption-Miah from Freedom Church on Vimeo.


Many thanks to leanncannonphotography.com for the amazing video production!

The Most Disgusting Job...

I'm convinced. Being a mom is the most disgusting job. Maybe it's just because I have a weak stomach. But still. So there's your warning. If you have a weak stomach, skip the next paragraph. Our sweet daughter gave me the privilege tonight of cleaning up her puke. I cleaned her clothes, her car seat, the van, the booster seat, and the dining room floor. Yep. She got everything in her path. And let me tell you - puke in a car STINKS. Especially when it's raining and you can't roll the windows down and you have to stand in the back of the van leaning over your daughter talking to her to calm her down and clean her up while your husband drives home. Yeah. Fun times. Anyway. About 7 months ago we had Alex tested for an egg allergy. Several hours after her test she became sick and was sick for another 24ish hours. I spent most of the following morning on the phone with the allergist and our family doctor, both of whom were convinced it was just a coincidence. The test came back positive, by the way. We were prescribed an EpiPen that we now carry with us everywhere. Well the Little Miss got tested again today for eggs and milk. The histamine control didn't take the first time so they had to do that part again. Egg and milk both came back negative. They also drew blood to check for an egg allergy there. If that comes back negative we no longer have to carry the EpiPen around! For the record, Alex is a trooper. She didn't even move or cry when they drew her blood! We are so thankful she appears to have outgrown her egg allergy already. Except now we're suspecting a histamine intolerance. Yep. Our sweet girl reacted AGAIN to the allergy test. After digging around on the internet for several hours tonight all signs are leading to a histamine intolerance. Meaning symptoms only show up when she has a lot of histamine accumulated in her body. Like when they have to do the control test twice. And when she has an egg allergy test. And when we feed her cheese. All in the same day. It's just too much for her little system. We're talking to her doctor about this possibility tomorrow. Has anybody out there ever dealt with a histamine intolerance? I had never heard of it until tonight and there's not much info out there about it.

On Keeping House

Over the last two years I have really struggled with the fact that I cannot keep a spotless house (or some days even a clean house).  I have friends whose houses are perfect.  No crumbs on the floor, no dust on the baseboards.  I have family who takes pride in clean walls and dusted picture frames.  I look through decorating ideas on Pinterest and see nothing but tidy, shiny, beautiful rooms.  I've longed to have the same level of clean in my house.  I wanted nothing more than to have a spotless house ready for company at the drop of a hat.  I wanted to rub my hand down our banister at any moment and not worry about it coming away dirty. It ate at me that our house was not perfect.  It consumed me to the point where I didn't even try to keep up with daily chores because I knew I could never attain perfection.  My house would never look as nice as everyone else's.  

As I'm writing this, our final home study visit (the home walk through) is in 45 minutes.  I'm not running around putting things away, washing windows, or hiding things under the bed.  I'm sitting on the couch across from the cutest three year old boy EVER, watching him sleep.

I'm slowly learning the lesson that veteran moms have been telling me for three years now: the housework will wait.

The kids don't care if the baseboards are dusty (they are) or the mirrors have toothpaste spots on them (they do).  They don't care that the carpet is stained (it's their fault!) or that the walls have crayon lipstick drawings over the fresh paint (again their fault).

And you know what?  I can now honestly say that I don't care either.

I can spend my time scrubbing walls, baseboards, and mirrors.  I can have the perfect sparkly house in Better Homes and Gardens.  Or I can spend my time building blocks, teaching letters, making crafts, and playing the whistle in toddler parades.  That last one is Nathan's favorite right now.  The house work really CAN wait.  It will always be there.  But the kids don't wait.  They grow and change daily.  If I'm wrapped up in having the perfect house (or regretting that I don't have a perfect house), what am I missing in their lives?

I've learned that perfection means nothing to me in regards to our home now.  We do the dishes, wash the laundry, clean the bathrooms and pick up the toys at the end of the day.  Beyond that, not much gets done regularly.

Is the house clean?  No way.  Is it tidy?  Usually.  Am I comfortable having our home study worker come inspect it today?  Even though I didn't dust, wash windows, clean the closets, or organize the pantry?  You bet.  This is how we live.  We love life, toys, games, and laughter.  Our home reflects that.  Walk in at any given time and you will find toys spread across the living room floor.  You'll find stuffed animals covering Alex's bed and who-knows-what in Nathan's bed.  You'll see sippy cups on the floor and dirty toddler underwear in a hamper in the bathroom.  You'll find old cheddar bunnies under the couch and dust on the tv.  We're not perfect and neither is our house.

And that's just the way we like it.

We Can Make a Difference

I've said it before and I'll say it again: we are surrounded by supportive, encouraging, Christ-following friends who are behind our adoption journey 100%.  We are blessed more than most with the amount of support in our lives.  Miah is going to be loved by hundreds of people.

But every adopting family has at least a few people who just don't get it.  We have a couple of those as well.  People who have told us "If you want to help this child, sent some money to her.  You cannot sacrifice your family for one girl."  And "You'll be throwing your lives away by taking her in." And the one everyone hears at least once in their journey: "That's just your emotions talking".  Some think we're just plain crazy.

I'll admit it: the first person who didn't "agree" with our role in this journey crushed my spirit.  There were tears.  And some anger.  I was dumbfounded.  How can people not see how important these children are?!  But it's true.  That's why they're in an orphanage to begin with.  People look at them and see them as worthless.  I sought counsel from my dear friend (and our Pastor's wife) and was reminded that special needs adoption is VERY new, even to most Christians.  Maybe God will use us open the eyes of some of our friends.  We are to extend grace to those who don't understand.

So with no hard feelings or judgments, I'd like to address the above statements.

You cannot sacrifice your family for one girl.  Well, we can.  But we're not.  We don't see it as a sacrifice AT ALL.  If I were to get pregnant tomorrow and our child were to be born with cerebral palsy and be in a wheelchair for the rest of her life, would we still parent her?  Love her?  Or would we tell her the sacrifice is too much and send her on her way?  An extreme example, yes, but that's how we see Miah.  She is our daughter.  Raising her, loving her, and caring for her will not be a sacrifice.  EVERY child is worthy of a family.

Just send some money to her orphanage.  Well, we can.  But there are no guarantees how or where that money would be spent.  In the past it has gone straight into the director's pocket and not a cent has gone to the children.  We WILL give the orphanage a donation after the adoption is final, but that's not the only way we have chosen to help Miah.

You'll be throwing your lives away by taking her in.  I guess it could be seen that way.  It's true, the next several years following Miah's arrival home will probably consist of multiple doctor's appointments, therapies, schooling, and interventions each week. We will most likely have to change our family's diet drastically to boost Miah's immune system and detox her poor little body.  We may very well end up a gluten free, sugar free family at least for a few months.  Our lives will no doubt change by leaps and bounds.  But we don't see that as "throwing our lives away".  We see it as investing in something far beyond ourselves.

It's just your emotions.  True.  I'm emotional.  There's no denying that.  But we've given this a lot more thought than just an emotional commitment.  Hours, days, weeks of prayer have gone into this decision.  It was not made lightly.  I fully believe God can use our emotions to draw our attention to the things that break His heart.

And for those of you out there who might think that these children are "too far gone" to be helped, hop on over to Adeye's blog and watch her video of Hasya.  Hasya has only spent a few hours a day for 5 days with her soon-to-be Mommy.  And she is making eye contact, smiling, and LAUGHING.  Don't ever doubt the power of God to change a person's life.  Especially in regards to the least of these.

Do you have more questions?  About adoption in general or our specific journey?  I'd love to answer them.  Email me at amybmoss (at) gmail (dot) com.

An Evening Out

When I was little my dad made it a habit to take my sister and I out for "date nights".  At least once I month I would get special one-on-one time with him.  A favorite of ours was to go have breakfast at Denny's.  To this day I can remember ordering the Mickey Mouse pancakes.  One time he took me to an Orioles game.  Other times we would see a movie or go do something fun.  We don't do it often anymore, but every now and then I still get special time with him.  Our most recent "date night" was a midnight outing to Wally World to grab a copy of The Hunger Games.  Yes, I'm a tad obsessed. (But hey - I've never read or watched Harry Potter and I never got into the Twilight series.  So I'm allowed this little obsession.  Or so I tell myself.)  Those date nights were fun when I was little, but now that I have kids of my own I really understand how important and special they were.  I know my dad and I wouldn't be so close today if he hadn't made the effort to spend time with JUST me every now and then.  

So Craig and I are adopting that same tradition.  We haven't yet made it happen every month yet, but we're working on it.

Tonight Craig took Nathan to Chick-Fil-A for their father son football night.  I spent the day prepping Nathan for it and he was SO EXCITED to go to a "football party and eat chicken".  While the guys spent their evening surrounded by football Alex and I went shopping.  I took her to her favorite restaurant - Moes - and then we headed to Target.  Yes.  I'm brainwashing my child.  She WILL know that Target is the best store ever.  She already loves shoes and bags.  Now she needs to love Target.  :)

Yes, she even loves mismatched shoes.  Especially if she can put them on herself!

Guys night was a huge success.  Football, chicken, a play place, a balloon, a giant cow, and a living room fort made a little boy's dream evening.  I walked in the door and he couldn't stop talking about it.  He was going a mile a minute trying to tell me everything he did with his Daddy.  It doesn't get much happier than a three year old boy.  

Alex, on the other hand, did NOT enjoy her evening.  I guess I should have seen it coming.  Since she was born she has had Nathan around for at least 90% of the time.  And she was not happy about the fact that he and Craig went off on their own.  She cried the entire way to the mall.  When we left the mall and headed back to the car, she immediately checked Nathan's seat.  When he wasn't there she started screaming.  She finally settled when we sat down to eat our matching quesadillas.  She listened carefully in Target as I showed her how to shop and let her pick out a hair bow.  But as soon as we got in the car and realized Nathan wasn't there she started screaming again.  

Let me clarify something.  This wasn't some high-pitched squeal.  This was an all-out YELL.  In an attempt to distract her I'd copy her screams.  Syllable for syllable, pitch for pitch. It distracted her, but she didn't like it.  She'd yell.  "GAAAAAAH"  I'd yell.  "GAAAAAAH" Then she'd say "No GAAAAH Mommy.  Stop!"  She definitely inherited my attitude.  I think I should be worried.   

At least we know she loves her brother.  

  

If You Give a Child a Crayon...

If you give a child a crayon...

He will decorate his wall.

And when he decorates his wall you will find...

A spider

(the circle on the left with a gazillion legs)

And "letters"

(the zig zags all the way across the bottom of the wall)

And rain.

One long, thin band of rain.  It's trying to "wash the spider out".  

It also appears that there might be some kind of monster, several giant circles, and lots of little tiny dots.  These weren't pointed out when he was describing his artwork to me, so I'm just left to guess what they might be.

And you know what?  I'm TOTALLY okay with this being on the wall.  It's his wall.  In his room.  Beside his bed.  And he's very proud of it.  Shoot, I'm proud of it too.  It's a well thought out mural for a just-turned-three year old.  Sure, it would have been nicer if it had been on paper.  We'll have that discussion later.  For now, we're letting him be proud of the hard work he put forth on his "masterpiece" and hoping not to ever steal his creativity from him.