We Won't Be Shaken

Having a new child in the house has been interesting.  When that child has special needs things get even more interesting.  I compare the feeling to that of having a newborn in the house.  You have NO CLUE what you're doing.  You rely on instinct and hope that will be enough to not completely screw up your kid.  You find yourself crying for no reason at random times of the day.  Why?  There is no why.  There is no reason to cry other than just feeling completely weird.  Everything's new.  Everything's unknown.  And because there is no one RIGHT way to do this parenting thing, you're left to experiment and find a method that leads to some resemblance of sanity.

Yeah.  I think that comparison pretty much sums up the past month in our house.  This is hard, y'all. My fellow parents of children with special needs: can I get an "amen"?

We are staring into a void of unknowns.  There are tests, therapies, blood work, and more to cover all of our bases and get some idea of where things stand.  We have no idea how development works from here on out.  There's only so much damage a child can take before things slow down permanently.  It's all a guessing game.  Will she walk?  Probably.  Will she talk?  We hope so.  What will her mental capacity be?  We have no idea.  Will she live a normal life?  Not using the world's definition.  Will she ever live independently?  Not likely.

Maia and children like her daily remind us what REALLY matters in this world.  Things don't matter.  Money doesn't matter.  Perfection doesn't matter.  What matters is people.  Time.  Family. 

You see, God has made my calling clear.  It is to care for the three little people who spend most of their days trying to send me to the looney bin.  To show them daily that I love them regardless of whether they make it to the potty in time, keep their legos out from under my feet, or eat their dinner.  To teach them to love Jesus and people.  I will spend the next several years of my life preparing them to conquer the world.  To make a difference.  To live for Jesus.  But when they no longer need me to dress them and get them out the door in time, there will still be one.

One sweet daughter of God who will need a lifetime of care from her forever family.  One miracle who will give us the blessing and burden of practicing a lifetime of unconditional love.  Even if we are left with a lifetime of therapies and appointments.  If we are met with unexpected tests results that shake our core.  If we are left spending the rest of her life spoon feeding her and changing her diapers - bring it on.  What better opportunity to make up for lost time and prove just how much we love her?  What better opportunity to show her how much God loves her?  What better opportunity to show the world that THESE CHILDREN MATTER?  In light of that, the unknowns are nothing.

This world has nothing for me, this life is not my own.
I know You go before me and I am not alone.
This mountain rises higher, the way seems so unclear.
But I know that You go with me so I will never fear.
I will trust in You.

Whatever will come our way, through fire or pouring rain.
We won't be shaken.  No we won't be shaken.
Whatever tomorrow brings, together we'll rise and sing
That we won't be shaken.  No we won't be shaken.  

- Building 429.

A Year Ago Today

A year ago today we saw this face.

A year ago today I inquired about the sad little girl in the picture.

A year ago today this picture was sent back to me.

A year ago today I was told nobody was interested in her.  Nobody wanted her.

 

A year ago today I was told she had spent her ENTIRE 7 years of life without a family.

A year ago today our lives changed forever.

And so did hers.  Because a year ago today, halfway across the world, somebody WANTED her.  

And, in hopefully one month, she will come home forever. 

The Answer

The following article popped up on my Facebook today.  I wish I hadn't seen it.  But some things are meant to be seen.  It's an article about unsightly acts done to children unable to defend themselves.  Abortion.  And so much more.  Please read it so you can better understand the following post.  http://usatoday.com/article/news/2072577

Now that we are on the same page, I want to share my heart.

Abortion.  The utterance of that very word can start an argument like a match starts a fire in a haystack.  It's an extremely sensitive topic no matter which side of the coin you are on.  And I think, because of the fear of offending, we as Christians stand back and do nothing.  Or we feel so strongly about our beliefs on the matter that we jump on the bandwagon of hate.  Can I be so bold as to tell you that neither of these actions do anything to bring glory to God?  And they certainly don't solve the problem.

As a Christian, a woman, a mom, and an adopting mom, I do NOT believe abortion is an acceptable solution to any problem.  As a woman, I can understand how our country has come to the conclusion that it is the woman's choice.  And I can respect that.  God gives us free will to make our own decisions.  Abortion is a decision that must be made.

But, fellow women, there is a better decision.

This decision is a hard one.  It's not one that can be brought about through hate, boycotting, picketing, or negative marketing.  This decision must be brought about through LOVE.

Sadly, the church has failed you in this way.  I wish I could apologize for all of us.  But I can only apologize for myself and those around me.  I am deeply and utterly sorry for the hate you have experienced as a result of your situation.  I'm sorry for the judgement I used to pass on you.  I now know how scary pregnancy can be and how much children change your future.  And I respect your right to choose to not raise your child.  I can only imagine the pain that comes with that decision.

But I have a solution for you.  And it's not abortion.  It's called ADOPTION.  A beautiful, amazing, inspiring picture of both LIFE and CHOICE.  The choice to give your child LIFE.

And that's where the church must step in.

Church: we must put aside the hate surrounding this issue and embrace the love and grace of Christ.  We need to step in and help these women who have nowhere to turn.  Stop the hateful speeches and judgmental rants.  Show love.  Show acceptance.  And give a solution.

We need to be a safe haven.  A place of refuge where women can come in their fear and find ANSWERS. And by answers, I don't mean words.  I mean actions.  We need to be ready to step up and offer a family for the child whose mother cannot keep him.  We need to offer support for that mother as she carries on with her life.  We need to be an adoption minded people.  We cannot sit on the sidelines and condemn the choice a woman makes.  We need to get involved.  Get dirty.  Fight for life.  And give the opportunity of life to the women who must make that decision.

Step up.  Share the vision.  Share your knowledge.  Share your story.  And be ready to watch God move mountains!

Longing

Ever since I first saw her sad, lonely face I felt drawn to her. The empty girl who was so carelessly held for her picture. A picture that did nothing to show off her beauty and great potential. But still, despite the emptiness, sadness, and fear, my heart connected to her.

She was to be our daughter.

And now, just over 6 months later, the paperwork has been sent. Documents have been translated, and the massive stack that represents hours of work and hundreds of dollars lies on a desk somewhere waiting for approval.

It's all becoming very real to me now. We are close.

Close to the day that we finally get to meet our eldest child.

Her biological sister is now home with her family. Another close friend just brought their new son home. And yet another close friend is preparing to travel in just over a week to meet her daughter. Those who have gone before us are finishing up their journeys. This means our turn is coming.

When? We don't really know. But we are hoping, praying, begging for our turn to come soon.

The longing in my soul to meet this child who has stolen my heart is unlike anything I have ever experienced before. Unlike our two biological children, I have not had the pleasure of feeling her move in my womb. I have not had the joy of seeing her face via ultrasound. I missed her first cries. Her first smile. Her first laugh. I wasn't there the day she was taken to the orphanage. I did not even know she existed as she spent day after day in her crib. I was not there for her very first picture - the picture that would eventually lead us to her.

We have missed 7 years of her life. For 7 years we had no idea something so great was missing from our lives. And now that we know what we are lacking, the anticipation to fill that void is almost painful.

I cannot accurately explain the longing in my soul to hold this tiny little girl. To show her love. To rub my finger across her cheek. To look into the eyes of the one who stole my heart with a picture. I cannot explain the adrenaline that surges through me as I think about buying a plane ticket to take us to her. I cannot imagine the agony of that flight as it seems to move ever so slowly toward her. I cannot explain the pain in my heart knowing that after loving on her for 5 days, I will have to say goodbye.

The emotions belong in a novel. On the big screen. On stage. Somewhere better explained than on this little blog. I cannot do them justice.

I long for the day when God gives us the chance to start making up for those lost years. I ache to bring her home to the brother and sister who already know her by name and love her. I cannot WAIT for the day we carry her into church and introduce her to everyone who has prayed and cried over her.

My heart is overwhelmed thinking about this all coming true.

And with pain, anticipation, desire, and excitement in my heart I realize: this is just a small taste of God's longing for me. For us. For the world.

Oh, how He loves us so.

Hope

Hope.  Webster defines hope as "cherishing a desire with anticipation".   You might currently be hoping for a promotion.  Or a bonus at work.  Or even a new job altogether.  Maybe you're hoping for a new car or the latest smart phone for Christmas.  Maybe you're hoping for healing.  Or peace.  Or reconciliation.  We hope for all sorts of things.  We don't hope for things that mean nothing to us.  We hope for what's important to us.  Whether it be material, emotional, or spiritual, we hope for that which we desire.

Hope.

It has a completely different meaning for Quinn.  You see, Quinn's hope is fading.  It has been for a while.  Hope for Quinn is a dimly lit candle who's flame is barely providing light at all.  There's not much left to hang on to.

Quinn was transferred from his orphanage earlier this year to a mental institution in Eastern Europe.  He now spends close to 24 hours a day in a crib.  No eye contact.  No stimulation.  Just himself, his self-soothing behaviors, and the little hope he has left.

Quinn hopes for a family.  His down syndrome made that next to impossible in his birth country. International adoption was the hope he clung to. But transfer to an institution changes things drastically.  80% of children transferred to an institution die within their first year there.  EIGHTY PERCENT.  That statistic doesn't help Quinn's chances at all.

He needs a family.  Now.

He needs someone to step out in faith. Someone to say "yes".  Someone to be his family.  Down syndrome should NOT be a death sentence.  But without a family, it will be one for Quinn.  Children with down syndrome are shunned in this country.  They are placed in orphanages and left to die.

When did we go so very wrong?  These are children of God.  And yet we have allowed the world to corrupt our thinking as we let children like Quinn sit in an institution and die.  God made Quinn just as he is.  He loves him.  I have this image in my head of God weeping over the state of these children.  The ones He created in His image.  The ones He loved enough to give His Son for.

Quinn needs a family.  It's the only hope he has left.  Could you be his family?  What are you scared of?

 Friends, God is MORE than capable of providing.  We're living proof that He can provide the funds for your adoption.  He can provide the doctors, counselors, and support for you as you walk this road.   He can put people in your path who have walked the same road.  There is nothing to fear.

Will you pray that Quinn finds renewed hope soon?  Hope in the form of a family.  A family to rescue him.  To love him.  To provide for his needs and so much more.  A family to show him Jesus.

I was blessed to watch a video and read a report of Quinn today.  This little boy has so much life left in him!  I know he can bring so much joy to someone out there!  You just have to look at that smile above to see it.  

If you might be Quinn's family please email Nina at nina.t@chiadopt.com.

***I so desperately want Quinn to find a family that from today on, every dime I make from the Owls for Orphans project will be set aside for the family who comes for Quinn.  Our adoption is not yet fully funded, but we know God will provide.  Miah has a family coming.  Quinn still needs one.  I'm stepping out in faith here knowing someone out there will come for him.  Is it you?

Running Through The Mud

Today was the day!  Craig and I along with two of our good friends left at 6:45 this morning and ran the United States Marine Corps Ultimate Challenge Mud Run.   For those who have run the Rugged Maniac - this made that look like a piece of cake.

For those who don't know, the USMC Run was designed by Marines to imitate their training runs.  It is 5.2 miles long and has 36 obstacles.  This sucker was BRUTAL.  We ran through mud, climbed 30' plywood walls, swung like Tarzan from ropes (for the record - I think Craig WAS Tarzan in another life) and climbed rope "walls".  We also swam through way too much mud.  This mud was so thick that you literally could not stand up in it.  You had no choice but to float in it and hope to conjure up some sort of forward motion.  

We also trucked through a trench that was at least 1/2 mile long and was filled with roots, tree limbs, and giant holes.  Thank goodness our guys pointed out all the dangerous spots for us!  There were over-unders in mud holes, tunnels in mud holes, and quicksand type mud that you had to climb out of.  This thing was HARD.  For me, it was harder than childbirth.  And I did that with no pain meds.  

Is it any wonder this is how gross we were at the end of it?!  Sadly, our nastiest moment was not caught on camera.  This is AFTER a nice little dip in some frigid  water.  We looked like something out of the Swamp Thing before that mini bath.  

This was mine and Craig's second run through the mud.  Both times we've had people tell us we're crazy.  I think we've already determined that we are.  But you know what?  There's something HUGE about conquering your fears and pushing yourself beyond what you ever thought you'd be able to handle.  There's no feeling in the world like knowing there's nothing left in you to run on, but still hearing your teammates (and even people you don't know!) cheering you on and helping you in your weakness.  

There's also something to be said for knowing you're healthy enough to take on such a challenge.  The Bible tells us that our "bodies are a temple of the Holy Spirit" and because of this we are to "honor God with our bodies".  (1 Cor 6:19-20)  One way Craig and I have taken that verse to heart is through being a healthy, fit, and active family.  We eat clean, CrossFit hard, and take care of ourselves.  And we fully believe that in doing so we are taking care of one of the greatest gifts God has given to us - our bodies.  

So...who wants to join us in the spring for the Rugged Maniac?  Who wants to join us again next fall for the USMC run?!  You have plenty of time to train and we'll even let you train with us!  It's worth every moment of pain, exhaustion, and fear.  There is nothing like it!  

Big News for Owls for Orphans!

If you're my friend on Facebook you saw some good news last night.  Owls for Orphans is growing!  I'm not sure what it will look like yet, but the fever is catching.

One of my hopes through this adoption process is that God will use us to open the eyes of others to the reality of orphanage life for children.  That God will use us to open the eyes of others to the reality of special needs adoption.  That God will use our story to open the eyes of others to His amazing grace and ability to save.

Friends, our sweet Miah is already leaving a legacy.  After reading our story, a fellow adoptive mom (and good friend) was given a renewed passion and urgency for adoption and is heading down that path again.  After sharing our story with the clerk at Walgreens (while taking my passport photo) I was able to encourage her to not let the finances surrounding adoption to continue to scare her away, but to follow her heart and God's heart.  God has used Miah and our adoption story to lead a friend to step out in faith and share what was on her heart - even if it might not be received well.

And God is using Owls for Orphans to bring smiles to the faces of sweet kids who need to know they're loved.  (The very first shipment of owls should arrive in Eastern Europe this week!)

In the last two days I have received two THREE! messages from complete strangers asking how they can help with Owls for Orphans.  Their hearts have been stirred for orphans and they want to be a part of showing love to these kids.  Friends, this is what it's all about!  BEING the church and loving these children who believe with all of their heart that they are unworthy of love.

We are not sure how it will look yet or how we can grow Owls for Orphans and incorporating outside help without having to deal with additional taxes, government fees, etc, etc.  But we're working on it.  If you think you might want to help with the Owls for Orphans project, send me an email at amybmoss (at) gmail (dot) come and we'll see what we are able to come up with!  I'll post an update soon with specifics on how you can help.

In the meantime I'm excited to announce that thanks to a very sweet woman named Susan, our future owls will come with Jingle Bells inside so that children who are blind can hear them and enjoy them as well!  Thank so SO MUCH for the idea, Susan, and for donating the bells!

Stay tuned!  Things are happening!  It may be small, but we CAN make a difference!

We Can Make a Difference

I've said it before and I'll say it again: we are surrounded by supportive, encouraging, Christ-following friends who are behind our adoption journey 100%.  We are blessed more than most with the amount of support in our lives.  Miah is going to be loved by hundreds of people.

But every adopting family has at least a few people who just don't get it.  We have a couple of those as well.  People who have told us "If you want to help this child, sent some money to her.  You cannot sacrifice your family for one girl."  And "You'll be throwing your lives away by taking her in." And the one everyone hears at least once in their journey: "That's just your emotions talking".  Some think we're just plain crazy.

I'll admit it: the first person who didn't "agree" with our role in this journey crushed my spirit.  There were tears.  And some anger.  I was dumbfounded.  How can people not see how important these children are?!  But it's true.  That's why they're in an orphanage to begin with.  People look at them and see them as worthless.  I sought counsel from my dear friend (and our Pastor's wife) and was reminded that special needs adoption is VERY new, even to most Christians.  Maybe God will use us open the eyes of some of our friends.  We are to extend grace to those who don't understand.

So with no hard feelings or judgments, I'd like to address the above statements.

You cannot sacrifice your family for one girl.  Well, we can.  But we're not.  We don't see it as a sacrifice AT ALL.  If I were to get pregnant tomorrow and our child were to be born with cerebral palsy and be in a wheelchair for the rest of her life, would we still parent her?  Love her?  Or would we tell her the sacrifice is too much and send her on her way?  An extreme example, yes, but that's how we see Miah.  She is our daughter.  Raising her, loving her, and caring for her will not be a sacrifice.  EVERY child is worthy of a family.

Just send some money to her orphanage.  Well, we can.  But there are no guarantees how or where that money would be spent.  In the past it has gone straight into the director's pocket and not a cent has gone to the children.  We WILL give the orphanage a donation after the adoption is final, but that's not the only way we have chosen to help Miah.

You'll be throwing your lives away by taking her in.  I guess it could be seen that way.  It's true, the next several years following Miah's arrival home will probably consist of multiple doctor's appointments, therapies, schooling, and interventions each week. We will most likely have to change our family's diet drastically to boost Miah's immune system and detox her poor little body.  We may very well end up a gluten free, sugar free family at least for a few months.  Our lives will no doubt change by leaps and bounds.  But we don't see that as "throwing our lives away".  We see it as investing in something far beyond ourselves.

It's just your emotions.  True.  I'm emotional.  There's no denying that.  But we've given this a lot more thought than just an emotional commitment.  Hours, days, weeks of prayer have gone into this decision.  It was not made lightly.  I fully believe God can use our emotions to draw our attention to the things that break His heart.

And for those of you out there who might think that these children are "too far gone" to be helped, hop on over to Adeye's blog and watch her video of Hasya.  Hasya has only spent a few hours a day for 5 days with her soon-to-be Mommy.  And she is making eye contact, smiling, and LAUGHING.  Don't ever doubt the power of God to change a person's life.  Especially in regards to the least of these.

Do you have more questions?  About adoption in general or our specific journey?  I'd love to answer them.  Email me at amybmoss (at) gmail (dot) com.

A Word From God

I've gone back and forth about sharing this blog.  It's very personal to me, and makes my weaknesses glaringly clear.  But I WILL share it.  Maybe one of you can relate in some way and it will encourage you as I was encouraged.

Thursday was a hard day for me.  If I'm honest, all of our days right now are hard for me emotionally.  It's hard to know that your child is halfway around the world and there's only SO MUCH you can do to bring her home.  She has only one person there who interacts with her.  Her diapers are only changed a couple of times a day.  She's 7 years old and lives in a crib.  That doesn't have sheets on it.  It's hard NOT to get emotionally when thinking about the life she's living right now.  But Thursday was particularly hard on me.  We've been so busy getting everything together for our home study that we have reached the end of our human strength.  Thankfully, we're not doing this on our own.

It was on Thursday that I was making one of my many lists to wrap my head around everything that needs to be done (yes, I'm just a tad OCD).  I decided to add some "approximate times" to this list and it looked like there was a possibility of taking our first trip to visit Miah before Christmas and picking her up in March.  Her birthday is in April.  Obviously, we would be more than delighted to bring her home in time for her eighth birthday.

Now I will throw in here that nothing in the adoption process is predictable.  Time lines are only so accurate.  Paperwork can only be filed so fast, and the government has proven that they do not work on our time line.  (If they did, our background check would already be done! ;) )  We certainly did not have March set in stone to bring her home, but it was a point in the future that I was focusing on and hoping for.  It looked very possible and the knowledge that it could happen was encouraging.

Fast forward to later in the day as I'm knocking out some more paperwork.  I'm sitting on the computer trying to figure out when and how to file for immigration.  And then I see what I somehow missed over the last 3 weeks.  You can't file your I800A until your homestudy is DONE.  And it takes 1-3 months after that to receive the approval.  Only THEN can we submit our dossier to Eastern Europe.  For all of you non-adopting parents out there, I'll fill you in on what I quickly realizer: December is very unlikely.  March is very unlikely.  There is nothing within our human power that will bring Miah home by her 8th birthday in April.

I will interject here that I KNOW we serve a mighty God who is more than capable of bringing Miah home before her birthday if He chooses.  He's already proven to us that He is with us and that we are in His will.  If he wants her home by then, it will happen.  My head knows that.  My heart knows that.  But the human side of me still hurts to know that I cannot do anything more to get Miah out of that terrible place.

That's where God met me on Thursday.  Disappointed and heartbroken for my daughter who is half way around the world without her family.  He could have left me like that to remember on my own that HE is the one in control.  He could have watched me cry painful tears as I thought of our daughter spending yet another birthday alone.

But he didn't.


As I was preparing dinner I received a voice mail from a fellow mom.  I will save it forever.  In fact, I wrote it down word for word in our adoption Smash Book.

I feel I should give you some background here.  We'll call this mom "A".  A and I are both moms and we both attend the same church.  We spend play dates together and speak to each other every Sunday.  Aside from that, we don't really talk.  For some reason when you're a mom, your ability to drop everything and socialize seems to disappear.  :)  Anyway.  I wouldn't say A and I are close, but we are definitely friends.  So when I received this call from her it meant SO MUCH that she would go outside of her comfort zone to share with me.

The message went something like this:

"Hi Amy, I know this seems weird, but I was praying for your family throughout the day and I really felt like God was calling me to share this word with you.  This is not something I usually do, so if doesn't mean anything to you just smile and ignore me.  Maybe it's just God testing me.  As I was praying for you I really felt God telling me to tell you that this time of waiting is like pregnancy: it's preparing you for Miah.  It's giving you time to fall in love with her.  Just like you waited 9 months for Alex and you waited 9 months for Nathan so you are also waiting for Miah.  This time is needed.  We know that God is with you and that He is blessing you.  We can't wait to meet Miah and see her join your family.  Know that we are praying for you in this journey.  Be encouraged that God is in control."  


Words cannot express how much this message was needed, appreciated, and cherished for so many reasons.  It's humbling to know that people are praying for us.  I mean, we know this.  So many of you have told us you are praying for us.  I'm amazed at the prayers and support we are receiving.  You all are awesome.  It's also humbling and amazing to know that God had a specific word for me that Thursday.  Just.for.me.  It just further proves that He is with us and His hand is over our lives.  So much so that He met me where I was in my time of need.  That's powerful stuff when you stop and think about it.  It was also a desperately needed reminder that God is in control.   He knows where Miah is.  He knows the condition her life is in right now.  He's battling Satan for her life.  While I KNOW He doesn't want her in that orphanage, He's allowing her to stay there now because He has a huge plan for her life to bring glory to Him.  She's one lucky little girl!

I share this story for those of you who may need the reminder that God is in control.  He may allow struggles in our lives but He will never give us more than we can handle with His help.  He is our strength, and I'm learning that it's only when things aren't going perfectly that we realize just how much we can rely on Him to meet our needs.  Let God meet you where you are.  Let Him give you strength when you are worn out.  Let Him bring truth into your life.

I also share this story for those of you who are feeling the call of God but are afraid of the unknown.  If A had pushed aside what she felt God calling her do because it was uncomfortable, I never would have received that encouragement and reminder on Thursday.  If she had let her fear talk her out of calling me, I could very well still be in the heartbroken and disappointed state that consumed me Thursday afternoon.  Friends, if God is calling you to do something - DO IT.  You never how it is going to bless someone.  You never know what a difference it might make in their life.  And, as A can tell you, it will be a huge blessing in your life as well.  She was just as encouraged and touched as I was when she realized how desperately I needed to hear the message God gave her to share with me.  God spoke to her.  And she listened.  He chose to use HER to be His voice.  That's a great honor!  And because of that she will forever be a part of our adoption story.

It may seem crazy to go outside of your comfort zone and speak truth into the lives of others.  But God didn't call us to be comfortable.  He called us to follow Him.  Crazy?  Yep.

Thank you, A, for allowing God to use you.

Why We're Adopting (The Beginning of Our Story)

*This post has been copied over from my previous blog that I no longer post to.  I thought I'd move it here so you can read it.  :)

God has been up to some pretty big stuff lately.  Obviously.  We’re adopting.  Internationally.  There’s nothing little about that.  Several of you have asked how we got to the point of making such a huge decision for our family.  Here’s where I attempt to put into words some of what God has done to lead us to this point.

For the last couple of months I’ve been having feelings of being “unsettled”.  Something just wasn’t right.  I kept feeling that God had something bigger for me out there.  That I’m missing something.  I’m not complete yet.  Until now, that feeling was a huge downer for me.  And a bit confusing.  I know God’s called me to be the best mother I can be which, for our family, means I stay home with our kids.  How can there be something else bigger than that for me?  How is my family not my first priority?  Talk about conflicting emotions.  I even saw my family doctor to rule out thyroid diseases and other things that can physiologically cause the “tiredness” and unrest.  Everything checked out fine, by the way.

A few weeks ago I was surfing facebook and found myself begging to God.  “God, give me something to fight for.  Give me a cause – something to invest in.  Something I can do to bring You glory.”

No sooner did I pray that prayer, did I see a link to an article pop up on Facebook via a high school friend.  I didn’t read it right away, but sat down to read it while the kids napped.  I’ll warn you now, this article is not for the faint of heart.  Make sure you’re in the position where you can really sit down and read it if you choose to.  This is the article:http://www.nogreaterjoymom.com/2012/02/if-not-usthen-who.html. To sum it up,  there are children around the world who are considered “less than perfect”.  These sweet babies are placed in orphanages.  If they haven’t been adopted by the time they are 4 or 5 years old, they are almost always placed in institutions and live out the rest of their lives in a crib.  With no one to love them.  No family to give hugs and kisses.  No siblings to chase around the house.  No quality of life at all.  I read through that post and my heart shattered.  To read about such inhumanity broke my heart.  And yet there was joy there too.  Because the entire time I read that article I could hear God whispering (it was so clear it could have been audible) “This blog post was for you.  This is what I want for you.  This is your cause.”

Talk about an eye opener!  He told me just enough to catch my attention and give me a direction to follow, but not enough to answer any of my unending questions.

Questions such as: Are we supposed to adopt?  Am I supposed to go on a mission trip to one of these orphanages?  Are we supposed to help support families who are adopting these kids?  WHERE ARE YOU LEADING ME?!?!

That night I mentioned the article to Craig and told him how confused it left me.  He didn’t say much, but didn’t write it off either.  A few days later he ran into a man who was raising money to adopt a child internationally.  Coincidence?  Probably not.  But it started up a conversation between the two of us in which I found out that Craig was indeed thinking about this.  At least to some extent.  He even mentioned it to his mom.  Hearing that he didn’t think I was crazy gave me some confidence.  I got online and started following some blogs of families who have adopted.  The more I read, the more I found myself sharing in their sorrows and their joy.  And the more open I become to the idea that maybe this is what God was calling us to.

Exactly a week after reading that blog post, we made the “official” decision to pursue international adoption.  Looking back on that experience, even as near to us as it still is, I can see God’s hand at work leading us here.  And I must admit, I could feel God calling us to adopt even as I read that blog.  But I was scared and overwhelmed by the permanency of adoption and I let my fear make me think I didn’t know what God wanted.  However, we can’t run from God for long and I soon realized the blessing this adoption is going to be for our family and for the child we adopt.  And the avenue it’s going to give us to make a difference – even if just a little one.