One Month Update

Happy one month from Gotcha Day, Maia Faith!

As promised, here are our updated stats.  She continues to blow us away!

Size: 30 lbs, 3'3" tall.

Wears: 3t/4t for length but 4T are big in the waist.

Mobility: crawling, pulling up to her knees.  Will stand with support and come to a standing position with support.  Will also take steps if we are fully supporting her.  (She has no balance right now)

Eating: baby food, oatmeal, yogurt, pediasure, milk.  She will drink from a spout sippy and a straw sippy!  Also eating "real" food that has been mashed or chopped up small.  She mashes food with her tongue and will try unsuccessfully to chew.  

Institutional behaviors: rocking, thumb sucking, some head banging, repetitive movements, moaning, hands in front of her face, holding things to her ear, laying on her side

New things she's learned:  How to come to standing with support.  How to drink from a sippy and a straw sippy.  How to sign "more".  To come to her knees in her crib and reach for us instead of waiting for us to reach in and get her.  To point to what foods/drink she wants.  How to play catch with her siblings.  She also sits up more now than she did before, but still prefers to lay down.  

She also lost her first tooth as a Moss!  (That makes four missing top teeth now, lol.)  What a blessing these three are!  

We Won't Be Shaken

Having a new child in the house has been interesting.  When that child has special needs things get even more interesting.  I compare the feeling to that of having a newborn in the house.  You have NO CLUE what you're doing.  You rely on instinct and hope that will be enough to not completely screw up your kid.  You find yourself crying for no reason at random times of the day.  Why?  There is no why.  There is no reason to cry other than just feeling completely weird.  Everything's new.  Everything's unknown.  And because there is no one RIGHT way to do this parenting thing, you're left to experiment and find a method that leads to some resemblance of sanity.

Yeah.  I think that comparison pretty much sums up the past month in our house.  This is hard, y'all. My fellow parents of children with special needs: can I get an "amen"?

We are staring into a void of unknowns.  There are tests, therapies, blood work, and more to cover all of our bases and get some idea of where things stand.  We have no idea how development works from here on out.  There's only so much damage a child can take before things slow down permanently.  It's all a guessing game.  Will she walk?  Probably.  Will she talk?  We hope so.  What will her mental capacity be?  We have no idea.  Will she live a normal life?  Not using the world's definition.  Will she ever live independently?  Not likely.

Maia and children like her daily remind us what REALLY matters in this world.  Things don't matter.  Money doesn't matter.  Perfection doesn't matter.  What matters is people.  Time.  Family. 

You see, God has made my calling clear.  It is to care for the three little people who spend most of their days trying to send me to the looney bin.  To show them daily that I love them regardless of whether they make it to the potty in time, keep their legos out from under my feet, or eat their dinner.  To teach them to love Jesus and people.  I will spend the next several years of my life preparing them to conquer the world.  To make a difference.  To live for Jesus.  But when they no longer need me to dress them and get them out the door in time, there will still be one.

One sweet daughter of God who will need a lifetime of care from her forever family.  One miracle who will give us the blessing and burden of practicing a lifetime of unconditional love.  Even if we are left with a lifetime of therapies and appointments.  If we are met with unexpected tests results that shake our core.  If we are left spending the rest of her life spoon feeding her and changing her diapers - bring it on.  What better opportunity to make up for lost time and prove just how much we love her?  What better opportunity to show her how much God loves her?  What better opportunity to show the world that THESE CHILDREN MATTER?  In light of that, the unknowns are nothing.

This world has nothing for me, this life is not my own.
I know You go before me and I am not alone.
This mountain rises higher, the way seems so unclear.
But I know that You go with me so I will never fear.
I will trust in You.

Whatever will come our way, through fire or pouring rain.
We won't be shaken.  No we won't be shaken.
Whatever tomorrow brings, together we'll rise and sing
That we won't be shaken.  No we won't be shaken.  

- Building 429.

A Maia Update

You all have been asking so here it is: an update on Maia.  :)

Maia has been home for almost three weeks now and life has resumed it's new normal here at the Moss home.  We had our first big checkup at the International Adoption Clinic today so we have some updated stats for you all in addition to some new milestones!

Right now Maia weighs 30 lbs 10 oz and is 3'2" tall.  Not much gain at all yet considering how much better her diet is.  This actually could be because it appears she may have some sort of thyroid issue.  They ran blood work to check, but her thyroid was a bit enlarged according to the pediatrician.  We should know more in a few days.  Her spine is also curved so we will be seeing an orthopedic at some point in addition to a hematologist for her anemia.

 

Maia's official diagnoses after the visit today are: global developmental delay, microcephaly (this was new to us), and diffuse hypotonia.

As far as her milestones go, Maia Faith will now support all of her weight on her legs for up to a few minutes at a time (with us helping her stay balanced).  She even takes steps with us supporting her!  She drinks from a sippy cup and is starting to eat more chunky foods.  She seems to be connecting with Craig and I even more and turns to us instead of other people for the most part.  We have been so blessed to see this little girl blossom right before our eyes.  We are also very blessed that nothing life threatening was found today!!  Praise God for His protection over our girl.

We will begin OT, PT, and ST soon.  Can't wait to see how she changes with therapy!

Two Weeks!

We picked this beautiful girl up two weeks ago today!

She has slid into our family pretty seamlessly.  We certainly didn't expect everyone to get along so well.

She is SO HAPPY.  ALL the time!  

She loves to clap my hands and wrestle on the floor with N and A.

She's getting used to baths and does much better going to sleep now.

The perfect picture of redemption and what the love of a family can do!!

Now for her stats: (click here for the starting stats)

Size: 30lbs 2oz.  (Gained a whopping 2 oz so far, lol)

Wears: 3t/4t still

Mobility: crawling, pulling up to her knees, will put weight on her legs when we hold her up and will take "steps"

Eating: Same.  We've added some high protein high calorie foods in there as well.  Everything must be mushy or she will spit it out immediately.

Institutional behaviors: The teeth grinding is pretty much gone now along with the head banging.  She still rocks a LOT and sucks her thumb.  She also "zones out" frequently.  

New things she's learned:  How to "walk" with support, how to sign "more", how to mimic faces. She can play catch with a large beach ball and can put blocks into a box. She understands "eat", "mama", "dada", "more", "no", and "gentle".  

Pick Up Trip: Day 5

Let me start off by saying today was our best day with Maia yet!  We are starting to get accustomed to each other and are slowly figuring things out.  We knew this trip wasn't going to be easy (and it's actually been easier than we thought) but its still been a hard week for all of us.

Not having any knowledge of how to specifically care for Maia has been hard. She can't tell me what she needs (she probably doesn't even know what she needs after so much neglect) and I don't know what she needs specifically.  We are guessing on how much to feed her.  Guessing on what to feed her.  Guessing as to when she needs quiet time in the crib and when she needs to practice interacting with us.  Guessing on what to work on and what to let go.  And if you know me at all, you now I don't like to guess.  But there's nothing concrete or exact when you start figuring out what makes your adopted special needs child tick, so guessing it is.  It's exhausting.  

Then you factor in being in a country with a different language, different customs, and different food and you have a whole new set of adjustments.  :). We've been keeping KFC and Subway in business since they speak a little bit of English and we know what their food is.  We also found a little mini-Walmart type store that we bought sandwich stuff at for lunches.  Nutella and jelly it is!  (Couldn't find the peanut butter, lol) 

Anyway.  After sucking it up and coming to terms with all of this last night, today as been fabulous.  I have no expectations other than surviving the week and making it home Saturday.  What a difference that makes!

(Gentle hands, Maia)

We had another lazy morning today before our appointment at the embassy this afternoon.  That was a bit intimidating until we got to the counter and realized everything was over with no pain or stress. :)  Maia did SO WELL at the embassy.  They are short staffed right now, so we ended up waiting almost an hour for our appointment.  She sat quietly and let me rock her most of the time.  :love:

Maia is still eating well, but isn't drinking much.  She is, however, still hydrated so we are not too concerned by this just yet.  I was able to give her a little sponge bath today.  She was uneasy, but was ok until it was time for soap.  Then she got a bit freaked out so we cut things short.  

She is also figuring out how to let us know if she wants more food.  If we have a bowl and spoon near us she will grab our hand and move it toward the spoon.  Then she will move the spoon (that's in our hand), to the bowl.  She will reach for her bottle when she wants milk as well.  She's making fast progress.  

One of her favorite games is to play with her stroller.  She pushes it around the apartment and rocks it back and forth.  Her other favorite game is to laugh at herself in the elevator.  SO CUTE!  Enjoy.  :)

Tomorrow we have one last meeting with our facilitator in which we will get all of the official paperwork.  And we leave Saturday morning to bring her HOME!!!

How YOU Can Help Us Post-Adoption

As you all know, we will be bringing Maia home very soon (next month!!) and we are hastily preparing everything for her arrival.  Part of that preparation is preparing YOU for her arrival.  We know you all are very excited for us (and her).  You've been praying as long and as hard as we have.  Many of you have expressed how excited you are to meet her and love on her.  We are so thankful for your love, prayers, support, and encouragement.

However, we aren't bringing home a biological child we just delivered at the Birth Center like the last two times.  We are bringing home an adopted child.  One with pretty major needs.  Things will look different with Maia's homecoming.  Different from the homecoming of an infant.  Different from the homecoming of an older child who understands.  Different from the picture you probably had in your head.  

This post is mainly written for those of you who have contact with us to some extent.  Especially our family, close friends, church family, and neighbors.   If you fit this category (or fit this category for another adopting family), please carefully read and consider this post.

I want to start off by explaining the importance of attachment.  I know.  Some of you read "attachment" and thought "oh great, they're THOSE parents."  Well, we are.  But this is totally different.  Attachment with an adopted child isn't your typical "attachment parenting" that you read about with co-sleeping, extended breastfeeding, hippy parents.  (By the way, I'm allowed to speak like that - I did all those things.)  :)  Maia's success in life and in our family DEPENDS on how well she attaches to us.   Unlike an infant, she never learned how to trust anyone.  Her needs have gone unmet for 8 years now.  We have a lot of ground to make up.  We have no other option but to attachment parent.  It's a MUST for adoption families.  And it will take time.  A lot of time.  And we need you to give us that time.

So how can you help us form a good attachment with our daughter?

First, you can NOT do certain things.

- Please don't meet any of her needs.  Don't feed her, hold her if she cries, give her toys directly, etc.  Those needs must be met by US for at least the first several months.
- Please don't make eye contact with her, touch her, gush over her, or bombard her until we give you permission.  :) If you see her at church, try not to make a big deal about it. Don't crowd her trying to meet her.  We know it will be hard.  And our hearts break that you won't be able to love on her for a while.  But that's how it has to be.  
- Please don't compare her to anyone.  Don't talk bad about her to others or to our kids.  Don't focus on her idiosyncrasies.  She makes weird noises.  She drools.  She bangs her head and shakes her finger.  And that's all TOTALLY NORMAL for an institutionalized child.  Don't make a big deal about it.  Our kids will know she's different, but we don't need them thinking that's a bad thing.  Your kids don't need to think it's a bad thing either.  Let Maia be your chance to teach your kids about children with special needs.
- Don't overstep our boundaries.  If you're not sure if something's okay, ask us.  We know you are trying.  We're figuring it all out too.  So just ask.  We promise we'll be honest with you in a loving way.

Now that we got all of that out of the way - how CAN you help?

I'm glad you asked!  There's a lot you can do for us if you want to help us in this journey.

- Bring us meals.  Offer to clean the house.  Do the dishes.  Fold some laundry.  Vacuum.  Because I'm obsessed with my floors and that will totally make my day better.
- Play with our biological kids.  Take them to the park.  Bring them a slushie.  Help us out with them while we focus on Maia.  What 4 year old wants to accompany his parents and sister to her first therapy session?  I guarantee our 4 year old won't.
- Stand up for us.  We know people will talk.  Nobody's perfect and special needs adoption is still very new to a lot of people.  We understand that and are grateful for the opportunity to normalize this a bit.  If you overhear someone criticizing us for our parenting, our "disappearance", our crazy emotions, or anything else, please stand up for us.  We're all advocates for orphans right now.  You are part of this!  And you can help advocate just as we can.  We just adopted.  And it turns things upside down for a bit.  And that's totally okay!
- Encourage us.  PLEASE!  Send us texts.  Facebook messages.  Emails.  Don't be offended if we don't respond.  Just know that we are reading them and you're probably making me cry.  (In a good way.)
- Respect our privacy.  We will hole up in the house for 4-6 weeks.  You may not see us in person for that amount of time or longer.  Please don't stop in unexpectedly for a visit.  Please don't be offended if we don't invite you over.  This time will be precious to us and to Maia.  We must be careful.
- If you DO come over (because we invited you), please don't interact with Maia.  If you're unsure about what's okay and not okay, ask us.  We'll tell you.
- Recognize that this journey will be hard for us.  Sleepless nights, language barriers, doctor visits, feeding struggles, and who knows what else.  It will be hard.  It might be hard for several months.  Your support and encouragement will help us tremendously, so please don't disappear on us completely!

So there you have it.  Thank you so much for being willing to support us even though it will be hard on you!  We will try our very best not to step on your emotions too much or to take advantage of anyone.

**Seeing as we haven't ever brought home an adopted child, this information was compiled from friends and internet sources.  If you want to read more, check out the links below:

http://lifelinechild.org/loving-from-a-distance-webinar-2/
http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2011/11/02/how-to-be-the-village#.TrG5yC5r1Pl.facebook

The Special Ones

You know who they are. The kids who look different. The kids who act different. The kids who live different. Whether it be Down syndrome, CP, blindness, or anything else that sets them apart, they are seen as different. Weird. Out of place. Even those of us who don't want to give in to stereotypes still notice the differences. And sometimes we judge without understanding. I'm guilty. I think we all are.

Craig and I had the blessing of meeting a little girl with special needs last week. A little girl who will be seen as different for the rest of her life. A little girl who was neglected for years and will forever be changed because of it. She will be our daughter in a few short months. And let me tell you something. Becoming the parent of a special needs child completely changes how you view those differences.

I want to tell you a little about Maia. (Yes, we changed the spelling of her name.)

Maia will be 8 years old in a little over a month. She is 3 feet tall and weighs around 28 pounds. The "average" 7 year old is 56" tall and around 70 lbs. She is lacking drastically in her size. (Side note here: her size is not due to her disabilities but due to neglect. No, Mama Bear is not happy about this.) Maia is not walking and is not bearing weight on her legs. She is crawling which is more than we were expecting when we visited her but she uses a stroller instead of her legs to get around. she might need a wheelchair at some point. She is non verbal and we have no idea what her intellectual abilities are.

But that's not what really makes her different. You see, children who grow up in institutions develop "ticks" to help them survive the monotonous days and the intense neglect and loneliness. Maia is no different. We saw these ticks firsthand this past week and there's no doubt they will draw stares from people.

She rocks when she's bored or uncomfortable. If she can't rock she will shake her head or bang it against something. She doesn't seem to have any concept of physical pain. She hates to be undressed and will shake and cry until her clothes go back on. She holds her hands in front of her face and stares at them aimlessly. She holds her ears and sucks her thumb. Her index fingers twitch uncontrollably. She is different.

But she is oh so very special. This 7 year old in a 3 year old's body has seen more pain and trauma in her life than most people ever experience. She was neglected by her birth mother. She was placed in an orphanage (while completely healthy) and left in a crib for years. She ate from a bottle propped up in her bed. Her diaper may or may not have been changed during the course of the day. No one talked to her. No one rocked her to sleep at night. No one whispered "I love you" as she fell asleep. No one cared.

And yet this neglected, delayed, stunted child spent almost every moment with us smiling. She laughed at the drop of a hat. She reached for me and squealed as i snatched her up and held her close. She is genuinely happy and full of joy. The child who has NOTHING has joy unspeakable. There's a lot we can learn from her. She is crawling despite all odds. She is expected to be able to walk and eventually talk. God is redeeming her and it is the most beautiful thing in the world to watch.

We hear all the time that we are doing something so amazing by saving this girl. And yes, we are saving her life. We are rescuing her. But friends, she is saving us as well. The happiness in this sweet child is unexplainable outside of the grace of God. The joy she brings to our hearts we would never have expected. She is different. She is strange by the world's definition. But she is beautiful. She is strong. And she is loved. She is so very special. Not because of her needs, but because of her heart. She puts everything in perspective.

God has big plans for her. Starting with how she is changing us. And I can't wait to see her redemption fulfilled.

Next time you see a child who's different, do me a favor and think about the good in them. Think about how perfect they are in Gods eyes. Don't judge their differences, but smile at their strengths. Look them in the eye and smile. Show them you love them because they are a child of God, no matter how they look or act. And think of Maia when you do it. She's not home yet, but she can still change our lives.