A Word From God

I've gone back and forth about sharing this blog.  It's very personal to me, and makes my weaknesses glaringly clear.  But I WILL share it.  Maybe one of you can relate in some way and it will encourage you as I was encouraged.

Thursday was a hard day for me.  If I'm honest, all of our days right now are hard for me emotionally.  It's hard to know that your child is halfway around the world and there's only SO MUCH you can do to bring her home.  She has only one person there who interacts with her.  Her diapers are only changed a couple of times a day.  She's 7 years old and lives in a crib.  That doesn't have sheets on it.  It's hard NOT to get emotionally when thinking about the life she's living right now.  But Thursday was particularly hard on me.  We've been so busy getting everything together for our home study that we have reached the end of our human strength.  Thankfully, we're not doing this on our own.

It was on Thursday that I was making one of my many lists to wrap my head around everything that needs to be done (yes, I'm just a tad OCD).  I decided to add some "approximate times" to this list and it looked like there was a possibility of taking our first trip to visit Miah before Christmas and picking her up in March.  Her birthday is in April.  Obviously, we would be more than delighted to bring her home in time for her eighth birthday.

Now I will throw in here that nothing in the adoption process is predictable.  Time lines are only so accurate.  Paperwork can only be filed so fast, and the government has proven that they do not work on our time line.  (If they did, our background check would already be done! ;) )  We certainly did not have March set in stone to bring her home, but it was a point in the future that I was focusing on and hoping for.  It looked very possible and the knowledge that it could happen was encouraging.

Fast forward to later in the day as I'm knocking out some more paperwork.  I'm sitting on the computer trying to figure out when and how to file for immigration.  And then I see what I somehow missed over the last 3 weeks.  You can't file your I800A until your homestudy is DONE.  And it takes 1-3 months after that to receive the approval.  Only THEN can we submit our dossier to Eastern Europe.  For all of you non-adopting parents out there, I'll fill you in on what I quickly realizer: December is very unlikely.  March is very unlikely.  There is nothing within our human power that will bring Miah home by her 8th birthday in April.

I will interject here that I KNOW we serve a mighty God who is more than capable of bringing Miah home before her birthday if He chooses.  He's already proven to us that He is with us and that we are in His will.  If he wants her home by then, it will happen.  My head knows that.  My heart knows that.  But the human side of me still hurts to know that I cannot do anything more to get Miah out of that terrible place.

That's where God met me on Thursday.  Disappointed and heartbroken for my daughter who is half way around the world without her family.  He could have left me like that to remember on my own that HE is the one in control.  He could have watched me cry painful tears as I thought of our daughter spending yet another birthday alone.

But he didn't.


As I was preparing dinner I received a voice mail from a fellow mom.  I will save it forever.  In fact, I wrote it down word for word in our adoption Smash Book.

I feel I should give you some background here.  We'll call this mom "A".  A and I are both moms and we both attend the same church.  We spend play dates together and speak to each other every Sunday.  Aside from that, we don't really talk.  For some reason when you're a mom, your ability to drop everything and socialize seems to disappear.  :)  Anyway.  I wouldn't say A and I are close, but we are definitely friends.  So when I received this call from her it meant SO MUCH that she would go outside of her comfort zone to share with me.

The message went something like this:

"Hi Amy, I know this seems weird, but I was praying for your family throughout the day and I really felt like God was calling me to share this word with you.  This is not something I usually do, so if doesn't mean anything to you just smile and ignore me.  Maybe it's just God testing me.  As I was praying for you I really felt God telling me to tell you that this time of waiting is like pregnancy: it's preparing you for Miah.  It's giving you time to fall in love with her.  Just like you waited 9 months for Alex and you waited 9 months for Nathan so you are also waiting for Miah.  This time is needed.  We know that God is with you and that He is blessing you.  We can't wait to meet Miah and see her join your family.  Know that we are praying for you in this journey.  Be encouraged that God is in control."  


Words cannot express how much this message was needed, appreciated, and cherished for so many reasons.  It's humbling to know that people are praying for us.  I mean, we know this.  So many of you have told us you are praying for us.  I'm amazed at the prayers and support we are receiving.  You all are awesome.  It's also humbling and amazing to know that God had a specific word for me that Thursday.  Just.for.me.  It just further proves that He is with us and His hand is over our lives.  So much so that He met me where I was in my time of need.  That's powerful stuff when you stop and think about it.  It was also a desperately needed reminder that God is in control.   He knows where Miah is.  He knows the condition her life is in right now.  He's battling Satan for her life.  While I KNOW He doesn't want her in that orphanage, He's allowing her to stay there now because He has a huge plan for her life to bring glory to Him.  She's one lucky little girl!

I share this story for those of you who may need the reminder that God is in control.  He may allow struggles in our lives but He will never give us more than we can handle with His help.  He is our strength, and I'm learning that it's only when things aren't going perfectly that we realize just how much we can rely on Him to meet our needs.  Let God meet you where you are.  Let Him give you strength when you are worn out.  Let Him bring truth into your life.

I also share this story for those of you who are feeling the call of God but are afraid of the unknown.  If A had pushed aside what she felt God calling her do because it was uncomfortable, I never would have received that encouragement and reminder on Thursday.  If she had let her fear talk her out of calling me, I could very well still be in the heartbroken and disappointed state that consumed me Thursday afternoon.  Friends, if God is calling you to do something - DO IT.  You never how it is going to bless someone.  You never know what a difference it might make in their life.  And, as A can tell you, it will be a huge blessing in your life as well.  She was just as encouraged and touched as I was when she realized how desperately I needed to hear the message God gave her to share with me.  God spoke to her.  And she listened.  He chose to use HER to be His voice.  That's a great honor!  And because of that she will forever be a part of our adoption story.

It may seem crazy to go outside of your comfort zone and speak truth into the lives of others.  But God didn't call us to be comfortable.  He called us to follow Him.  Crazy?  Yep.

Thank you, A, for allowing God to use you.