The waiting

Our adoption runs a little different than most adoptions. Most adoptions, for instance, start with a family who decides to adopt. They pick an agency and then a country. Or vice versa. Then they complete their home study and send in their dossier. Then they wait 2-3 years for a referral. After referral they fill out the remaining paperwork and wait for court, after which they can go pick up their child.

We are adopting a waiting child from a country that does things quite a bit different from most. We decided to adopt and then God led us to a child. At that point, clearly, we knew the country we were adopting from and used the agency our child was registered with. (A HUGE blessing in disguise because they are SO wonderful!). We placed our daughter on hold and then compiled our dossier. The dossier was sent off and now we wait for a referral. A referral that does not take 2-3 years to come, but usually 2-3 months at most. The referral leads to a visit which will eventually lead to a court date and pickup 3-6 months later.

All that said, our adoption is much faster than the "typical " international adoption. We are not waiting two years for a referral of a child we don't yet know. We are waiting for a referral for a child who is already engrained in our hearts and whose face we cannot shake from our minds. The wait is hard. A lot of people don't understand it. I'm describing it as excruciating.

Why excruciating? Because the child we are waiting on is not in good health. She's not in a good place. She's not receiving the care she should be receiving in the states. She's not being loved like she deserves. She waits. And my heart longs to rescue her and bring her home where she will never know what it means to be lonely or hungry or abandoned again.

Thinking of my DAUGHTER over there facing life on her own is painful. Even more painful is knowing that our lives are not yet complete without her. I want her here. So she can be taken care of? Of course. But more importantly because I love her and I want to be able to tell her that. I want her in my life, not across the ocean.

In case you havent figured it out yet, we don't have referral. We have now been waiting almost 2 months. Not overly long, but not a quick wait either. I keep reminding myself that Gods hand is on our daughter and He loves her and longs for her to have a family even more than we do.

I trust in His timing. He knows what He's doing and is protecting Miah until we can bring her home. But I still wait and cry over the daughter I cannot yet hold and love. Until that day comes I will pray and know that all of this love will overflow onto her just when she needs it most.

And I pray that day will come soon.